Preparing for Birth: A general guide and a personal perspective

Preparing for the arrival of a baby is an exciting but sometimes overwhelming experience. There is so much to think about, antenatal classes, the things you might need, how you will feed the baby, the emotional struggles of what being a parent will actually mean! Are you actually going to be able to look after a small baby?!

These were all thoughts that went through my head during the late pregnancy of my first child. Looking back I really wish I had done so much more research into what was about to happen, and that is one of the main reasons I started to offer these events to local parents. There is so much you don’t know to think about when you have never had a baby before, and that is not your fault, you don’t know what you don’t know!

But don’t worry, because this event has got your back! We are your village, just waiting to hold you and walk you through the highs and lows of having a baby.

There is a lot you can do to prepare for the arrival of baby, but today I wanted to start off talking a little bit about preparing for birth and my personal experience of it. It’s the number one thing on the minds of parents to be, especially for the birthing person. How will I cope with the intensity of birth? Who is going to support me? Where will I be?

Just some of the questions I’ll try to help you wade through!

Preparing Your Body and Mind

Making sure that you are mentally and physically ready for birth is something you can start from very early in your pregnancy. You may already be someone who does regular exercise, in which case don’t be afraid to carry on.  As long as you feel able and there is no medical reason not to, then whatever you have been used to doing with regards to exercise can carry on! But there are some specific classes you could think about starting which will help you build strength, stamina and prepare mentally. Here are a few options:

1. Aquanatal classes

Aquanatal can help improve fitness, reduce aches and pains, increase circulation and enhance mental well-being

2. Antenatal yoga classes

Yoga can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep, and increase strength and flexibility

3. Pregnancy relaxation classes

These classes can help you learn some relaxation techniques to remain calm during the intensity of birth

4. Pregnancy circles

Circles are a great way to share fears and anxieties with women going through the same thing

5. Pregnancy pilates

Pilates helps strengthen core and pelvic floor muscles, improving posture and balance, relieving back pain, and preparing the body for labor and recovery

A final activity worth noting is a Mother’s Blessing. These ceremonies have picked up momentum in the last few years. They can either be an alternative to baby showers, or done in addition to them. A mother's blessing, inspired by the ancient Navajo "Blessingway" ceremony, is a modern ritual that celebrates a woman's journey into motherhood, it is a ceremony designed to honor and support the pregnant woman as she transitions into motherhood, offering a space for reflection, connection, and preparation for the birth and beyond. It really is so special and is something I have done myself and have supported others to do.

Whatever activity you decide to do, make sure to have fun with it and use it as a space to focus on you.

Choosing the Right Antenatal class

There are quite a few antenatal classes out there now, from free NHS classes, to more expensive one on one classes with an experienced practitioner. But how do you know which is the right one? Here is a little list of pros and cons of some of the options. But contact your local providers and ask some questions to really make sure you pick the one that will work best for you. You are important and you need to feel safe and happy with your choices.

1. NHS Midwife-Led Classes

✅ Free and accessible to everyone

✅ Led by experienced midwives

✅ Covers practical topics like labour, birth, and infant care

❌ Limited availability and class sizes

❌ Less focus on alternative birth methods or in-depth discussions

2. Non-NHS Midwife-Led Classes

✅ More time to be more in depth than NHS classes

✅ Led by experienced midwives

✅ Covers practical topics like labour, birth, and infant care

❌ Can be costly

❌ Can exclude alternative birth methods

3. NCT (National Childbirth Trust) Classes

✅ Great for making friends with other parents-to-be

✅ Covers labour, birth, and postnatal care

✅ Often includes breastfeeding and baby care information

❌ Can be costly

❌ Content varies depending on the instructor, with some specialist knowledge of some areas, but not of others

4. Hypnobirthing Classes

✅ Focuses on breathing techniques and relaxation for a calm, positive birth

✅ Teaches to trust instincts and know your rights

✅ Can reduce fear and anxiety around labour

✅ Helps both parents feel involved in the birth process

❌ Not many group courses available

❌ Can be costly

5. Doula Support

✅ Continuous emotional and physical support before, during, and after birth

✅ Can advocate for your birth preferences in hospital settings

✅ Postnatal doulas help with baby care, feeding, and emotional recovery

✅ Some also have training in Hypnobirthing

❌ The most expensive option

❌ Finding the right doula can take time

For myself, we opted for Hypnobirthing and I continued to use those techniques for the rest of my births over the years. We chose this because at the time we were living in Toronto in Canada, where NCT classes were not an option. It was important to us to find a group of parents who were like-minded and could potentially become our chosen family, while we were away from our actual family.

We also wanted to have a homebirth for various personal reasons, more about that later. But this meant using an independent midwife clinic in Toronto, and they were not able to administer any drugs at homebirths! At the time Hypnobirthing was being promoted as an alternative to drugs, to help manage the intensity of birth. So in order to have the homebirth I wanted, we decided to try the hypnobirthing classes. And for us this was the best decision we could have made!

Choosing the Right Support

It is also important to think about who you want to be there to support you. There will always be 1 or 2 NHS midwives attending your birth of course, whatever extra support you choose (unless you opt for an independent midwife).  Most people will choose their partners to be with them too, and doing this together is an amazing bonding experience!

But what if you don’t have a partner? Or they can’t be there? Or what if they are not very good in situations such as this? Or maybe you’d like a second birthing partner so there are enough people to support you with both your physical and emotional needs. Many women benefit from having more than one birthing partner, especially if it ends up being a long birth. Here are some pros and cons

1. NHS Midwife

✅ Experienced in birth

✅ Wants to support you to have the birth you want

❌ Will most likely be someone you don’t know

❌ May be kept busy with the admin side of birth

2. Independent Midwife

✅ Experienced in birth

✅ Will have been with you for a while, so will be very clear on your wishes and know you

❌ Can be very expensive

❌ Will still need to do the admin side of birth

3. A doula

✅ Experienced in supporting birth

✅ Will know all your wishes and will be able to advocate for you

❌ Can be expensive

❌ Most are not medically trained

4. A family member or friend

✅ Will know you and your wishes well

✅ A mother in particular will be able to support your emotional needs

❌ Usually not experienced with birth

❌ May find it difficult if something were to go wrong

The most important thing is to choose someone who will advocate for your wishes, who will be your cheerleader and knows how to encourage you in the best way possible.

As well as my husband, I was lucky enough to have my mum there in the capacity of a Doula. She was a midwife in the UK at the time, and there were a couple of instances when she had to advocate for me. For example, when they wanted me to move onto my back, so they could see what was happening and possibly help pull him out! But after catching my eye and knowing my wishes, my mum asked them to let me try for a little longer on the birthing stall I was sat on at the time. Having my husband there for emotional support was so important to me, but having my mum there to tend to the practicalities and also be aware of the normal processes of birth was invaluable.

Choosing the Right Setting

Where you give birth is quite often not given as much thought as some of the other choices. But I personally think it is just as important as what classes you choose and who you have to support you. If you want to give birth calmly and confidently, you need to be somewhere you feel safe and comfortable. So ask yourself, where will you feel safest? Here are some options

1. Main maternity ward (high or low-risk wards)

✅ Filled with experienced professionals

✅ Near to emergency provisions if anything goes wrong

❌ You’ll most likely never have met the people who will help you birth your baby

❌ Can sometimes be a bit risk averse

2. Birthing unit

✅ Filled with experienced professionals

✅ Most of the midwives will be low-risk midwives

❌ Can be further from emergency provisions

❌ Can feel clinical still

3. Home

✅ Surrounded by your own creature comforts

✅ You won’t have to leave, or be moved around after having your baby

✅ They send 2 midwives out, vs the 1 you have on a ward. So you’ll get the undivided attention of 2 professionals

❌ Emergencies will most likely end in an ambulance ride

❌ There is more preparation for you to do to make your home ready

We opted for a homebirth. Firstly, because my husband's mother had had 2 homebirths and raved about them! Secondly, because my mum, a low risk midwife, loved attending them, and finally, a more personal reason to me, I didn't like hospitals! I really only had experience visiting sick or dying relatives in them. They felt like a place for the sick, and I wasn't sick! I was bringing life into the world, completely the opposite to what my experiences had been of hospitals. So home felt the safer option for me.

But this is a very personal choice, I know many women who feel safer in the knowledge that a paediatrician is just around the corner from their hospital room. But this is why I think it warrants more consideration than it is usually given.

My first Birth

So how did my birth go after I had made all these decisions? Well, it truly felt like we went into birth fully prepared for whatever was thrown at us! When looking back on it now, I still maintain we were prepared for the birth. If we were talking about the time after my baby had arrived, that is a whole different story! I most definitely didn't prepare properly for that, but we’ll chat about that in another blog!

I acknowledge how privileged and lucky we were to have the independent midwife team and the Hypnobirthing techniques for my birth. Not everyone can afford the classes they want and in Canada, the independent midwife clinics were actually available on the health system. So we were amazingly privileged to have our first birth there.

I do believe things would have gone very differently if we had been in the UK at the time. For example, our midwife was very laid back, she had a guess date for us all worked out using one of those old style wheels. Then when the scan suggested the date should actually be 5 days earlier than that, they didn’t bother changing it, so all further decisions were based on the original date.  My son then proceeded to keep us all waiting and arrived 12 days past the Midwives guess date. Had I been using the NHS here in the UK, I would have been well past the scan due date by over 14 days, and most likely would have gone down the induction route. But in Canada, with my team of independent midwives I was still not quite at that imposed deadline, although we had been booked into the hospital for an induction after the weekend (it was a Wednesday).

Thankfully, he finally decided to start making his way out that night and we never had to make any choices with regard to an induction!

The birth itself well and truly tested all the hypnobirthing techniques we’d learnt! He was a very typical first birth, long, intense, exhausting! My husband read me visualisation scripts, gave me massages, talked me down when I thought I couldn't do it anymore, was there to hold me. I used all the breathing techniques I’d been taught and a lot of the visualisation we had gone over again and again in classes and practice. From when I first decided the surges were regular enough to be actual labour, to when I was starting to bear down, was a good 24 hours. So we had plenty of time to work through all the different elements of hypnobirthing!

During the last 2 hours of birthing my son, I used lots of the positions we had learnt during the classes and finally settled on my favourite, a birthing stall, which my midwife had brought along. I felt very primal! My midwife sat in front of me waiting for baby and checking everything was ok, my mum coached me through the final bearing down and my husband sat behind me whispering words of encouragement. It truly felt like a team effort at the end. Although don’t get me wrong, it was definitely I who was doing all the hard work!

He finally came out and was placed up on my chest, I cannot describe the elation, the empowerment, the amazement I felt. There are no words, as you will see.

Final Thoughts

The choices we made about our birth, helped me feel more confident and informed. But it is so important to make choices that will leave you feeling empowered and in control of your birth.

And I don’t necessarily mean non medicalised either. That was my choice and it certainly isn't for everyone. When I had my fourth and final son, I ended up with a cesarean birth. But on the way to that birth I made informed and educated choices, which has left me still feeling positive about my experience and empowered by the choices I made for myself and my baby.

So don’t be complacent and think, what will be will be. You really can make choices to help you have positive and powerful births.

And don’t forget to check out "Bump to What Now?!"—because you don’t have to figure it all out alone!